i need somebody... anybody...
its like a vacuum inside... i need somebody i can hold onto and cry...
he's not there anymore...
wake up andrew...
HE'S GONE!!!
He doesnt want it back... the little hope you had has faded..
you're abandoned...
nobody loves you anymore....
you should just die you know...
you're so stupid... sacrificing so much to know it will end..
why do you keep breaking your heart over and over again?
you know that aj relationships NEVER EVER last forever
it will inevitably end..
just looking at him will make you cry now.
you wimp.
you used to be able to stand up for yourself..
what has happened to you?
i hate you andrew.
i hate you so much.
i hate. i hate. i hate...
you're sick and tired of everything. friends, family, work, and yourself..
now you dont even have him. the only pillar you held on to has crumbled...
you lost faith.
God is a million miles away now
He can't hear you.
you know that?
where is he now when your heart needs healing?
is he there for you to hold?
is he there for you to cry on?
nothing is truly worth its value.
You are useless.
USELESS!!!!!!
You're scared of failure huh?
Let me tell you now..
YOU FAILED!!!
YOU FAILED!!!!
YOU FAILED YOU FAILED YOU FAILED!!!!
so what if you score well in exams
so what if you do well at work
so what if you're talented
so what if you're good looking.
even if you think you are, IT DOESNT MATTER!!
you're alone. you're gone.
goner. "poof" you know?
because you have nobody left beside you.
andrew sits down and cry... like how he has been for the last 30 hours...
he holds the cookie monster and cries some more...
he misses his cookie monster... he can't sleep because his mind is wrecked..
andrew and dominic are no longer together..
to all those who want dominic, i'm sure you all must be really happy now.
to all those who believed in this relationship, i'm sorry, you all were misguided.
to all those who hated me because of the relationship, rejoice, its over.
to all those who thought i invested too much time and money in the relationship, smirk, because i have nothing left.
to all those who think that my heart will learn to love again, sorry, its exothermally frozen beyond melting
to all those who hated the relationship, be at peace, for there is nothing left to hate.
to all those who told me that this relationship will never last, you were right, it couldnt last.
to all those who were there for us during the good times and the bad,
i'm really sorry...
i've let you all down...
I've let myself down..
I've let God down, even... because I wanted to prove that it could work... that 2 guys could really love each other and last till we see you again..
*blank stare*
everything is over.......................................................................................................................
3 comments:
hey Andrew,
when i read your blog, i just felt like just saying no to everything bad you said about yourself and about letting people down and how your heart was frozen.
But when i saw how much effort you put into this relationship and how much you tried to make it work for the best, i could feel your anguish.
how much you've made yourself open and vulnerable.
You know.. to a certain extent i think thats really agape love.
Your love for Dominic.
Yet when your life is centered around a person, it just won't work.
The thing is it is most difficult to know the things you can change and the things you can't. And admit that it is so.
But u did that.
Its always when we think God isn't there and ask why he isn't there, that he is the closest to us. And God's heart simply breaks when he sees you so down Andrew.
I sense that you are taking up the blame for this relationship.
u know.. if you need to just talk things out with someone just call me out or something. I'm sure like you have loads on your mind and heart you would wana release.
and i just want to remind you that God freely gives grace to all who receive it. He is not a god who is meritocratic thankfully.:)
you are strong Andrew, i know you are. But we all need a pillar of support. God is that support. Remember how his thoughts about you are more numerous than the sands of the earth?
i remember how i could dig up sand with my bare hands in sentosa for half an hour and it just amounted to a small hole that was constantly refilled with other sand.
God's thoughts about us are just overwhelming.
He's the ultimate lover.
Yeah. I mean, like if u feel awkward talkin to just me, i could ask Eve along too and you could just talk to us. i'm sure you'd feel more comfortable.
Whatever it is, i think u shld just talk to someone or sombody you can trust cuz it is not good for man to be alone.
I'm sorry this relationship did not work out for you. But remember Andrew, it takes two to make it work, it can't just be all you trying to keep it going. You are so young, with so much more of life ahead of you. For most of us, the first love is never the last love. Just learn from this and move on. I promise you, you will get over this and learn to love again, someone will be more worthy of what you have to offer. Really, I'm speaking from experience. I know it hurts like hell now and love just doesn't seem possible again, but it is. Be strong and start loving yourself first. Take care.
kor!
pls be alright, i'm worried ok? i don't care what you think about me but i still care for you as friend or more like brother. i really hope to see you recover from this event. i know you aren't like this before, don't try to bring yourself down. everyone's a failure at time but don't use this time to bring everything down. well, i know that this relationship meant alot to you. i'm sad that this happened too. but still life has to go on. people around you do really care for you. try &open up to them &talk to them. for sure you could feel at least much satisfied. well, i hope this are better now.
take care andrew.
cheers,
wolfgang
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